Day 32

Whoo Hoo !!!!  32 days finally....made it past a month.  I do feel a new resolve. I have to say the last 9-10 days have been a struggle.  I have been doing some soul searching to figure out why.  I think I have a few answers but without any forum to discuss this with anyone else I just have come up with a few ideas...some reflection... of my own. 

• All battles are first fought in the mind.  Maybe God is making me go through the fire and the storm to finally be free from the pull of the food.
• The new has worn off from doing the feast and now it is facing the hard dusty road ahead.
• That my body is breaking and hammering out it's addiction to the process of eating and of food in general.There are over 10,00 additives approved by the FDA to be placed in our foods and labeled "Natural Flavor, Spices and or Ingredients" many that are addictive substances.  There is additives like monosodium glutamate, sugar, modified corn starch...the list goes on....all addictive so maybe my body is breaking those addictions also.

Whatever the reason it is something I obviously have to go through to complete my healing process so I decided instead of fighting it...to give it over to God and let Him fight the battle for me.  I lost the additional 2 lbs...so I am at 25 lbs in weight loss but feel by tomorrow I will drop again.  It is funny how you can become so in tune with your body and feel as changes take place.  But once I decided to stop struggling...even though the feelings and cravings are still present...it is easier to ignore them.


Proverbs 27 talks about the honing of the sword.  A blacksmith when making a sword sits in front of the the fire with the sword placed in the flames and he hammers the silver in the flames until it is perfect.  The blacksmith knows the sword is perfected when he can see his reflection in the the silver.  That is the honing of a sword.  I heard it taught once...that is what God does with us...as we endure hardships and storms.  He lets us go into the fire and when He can see his reflection in us is when we are finally removed from the flames.  I always find it such a beautiful way to look at hardships and trials...that is when He is perfecting me.  So maybe these struggles are so....that for once and for all...I can be free from the bondage's and toll that the weight and all that comes with it has placed on my physical body. 


For the first 14 years after gaining the weight...I hated to look at myself in a mirror.  All I could see was the fat and all my imperfections.  I blamed myself for what had happened to my body and not being strong enough to defeat this battle.  One day discouraged I looked in the mirror trying to find my beauty and couldn't find any....even though my common sense told me differently...all I believed was the reflection in the mirror that my eyes and heart saw.  I asked God if I could please see myself through His eyes and not my own.  It wasn't over night and I am not sure how long it took but I slowly started to see myself  differently. I started to see my beauty and the gifts I had to offer the world.  I now love my reflection....God's reflection of His creation.


Now reflecting on the past month...I have to give myself credit...I have made it 32 days and I have lost 25 lbs...I always feel this need to keep placing pressure on myself to do better and when I am not meeting my expectations I start getting frustrated....Hey maybe that's the lesson...to chill, relax and enjoy the ride and every now and then take a look in the rear view mirror...enjoy my reflection and the dust I am leaving behind .